Journal

Fiddler's Green

I had the most amazing time and I am sick, sick, sick. It doesn’t matter. I was up drinking $70 scotch. I don’t even like scotch, but after the first four or five shudderng sips, it started to grow on me. I was awake all night listening to extremely well-told stories about Klingons and Transformers, and matted stuffed animals. I couldn’t go to sleep and I couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t want to. I wanted to talk and laugh and listen all night. I wanted so much.

And there were nights before which held no sleep either. Someone had a collection of heartbreaking artwork, and was very fashionable and intelligent and interesting to boot. We stayed up rambling at each other until seven, when I collapsed, exhausted and out of opinions. I woke up confused, with his jacket over me like a blanket. Blankets. Later he laughed when he found out my name.

There was nothing negative to say. You’re beautiful, they told me. You look like you’re fourteen, they said. How old are you? This artwork is wonderful, they said. They petted my hair and made me tea and let me sleep. And all the excitement burned in me, like a fever, burning my clothes, heating the pillow. It burned me all up inside, burned everything away, and they exclaimed when they put their palms on me. Poor thing, they said. How pale and sick. How small and sweet.

I smiled.

Then it was time to go. The airplane lifted up and away, and things grew smaller and smaller, fainter and fainter. I watched the city recede and I understood how small we are, and how many, and how everything was going to be all right again. Up in the sky I drifted off to sleep, my fever melting the hotel chocolate in my pocket. I drifted off into a dream, foggy and hot and chaotic, which faded quickly as we came closer and closer to landing.

Home again, and lonely, but I know that you will always be there, in my heart and head.

Posted November 16, 2004 in
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Comment

  1. Blankets…

    I had a beautiful time…and the haunted recordings to prove it…

    Thank you.

    I miss you, my friend.

    Be well.

    — m

  2. Hi, Rain! I finally found your card and was looking through your site here. You have great talent, I hope youcan send some stuff to the convention I help run, CONvergence, someday.

    Hope to see you again someday!

    — Jeremy


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